Smoking

Ahhh, how I miss the joys, trials and pains of living, working and relating in a foreign locale. Just finished reading E's latest blog from life in Korea and it made me nostalgic. But that is not the focus of my ranting tonight.

On another note, I am having a horrible time fighting the cravings for the forbidden fruit--nicotine. Actually, its not really the nicotine so much as the mindless, comforting habit. Tapping out a cigarette from its home. Bringing it to my lips and inhaling the unlit tobacco. Ahhh...the sweet smell. Flicking my bic and watching the smoke curl at the end...upward, away from me...dissipating into thin air. Sucking that first full drag into my lungs and holding it. Exhaling. Repeating the steps over and over again in the three minutes or so it would take to suck down a regular sized "king" cigarette.

See, the funny thing is, I never took the time to savor the cigarette while I was a smoker. It quickly became a mindless, nervous, necessary habit. It started out the way it does for so many... As a young and idiotic teen, trying to be cool. At first it was one or two a day. Then it was three or five. Then up to half a pack. Throughout my undergrad and Japan years I smoked between a half a pack or a pack and a half a day.

Then I came home. I met the love of my life. A former heavy smoker who is now able to smoke casually. His family would be appalled if they found out I smoked.. You know as the future mother of their grandchildren and all. They seriously frown on smoking. So I promised him I'd quit while he's at the South Pole.. And it was all good. Then MY parents get back from Florida. I quit while they were there for 6 weeks. And it was fine. No problems. NOW I am struggling on a nightly basis. And it seems to be only at this time of night.

But the last time I had a drag, it was nasty. But I miss it. I have heard the cravings never fully go away. I just hope it gets easier, that's all.