Insignificant Insights

2007-07-23T19:36:00.000-05:00

It's been ages since I've posted here. This is just a quick note, I am six months pregnant with our first child, a little boy.

I got a fulltime, regular contract job at a couple of schools closer to home in the same district I was working in last year. I'm sad and apprehensive because I won't be teaching my own classes this next year. But hopefully, it will all work out alright.

Baby is due in November, beginning of.

I need to get my thesis done so I can get a pay raise.

That's about it, in a nutshell for now.

2006-10-27T20:02:00.000-05:00

I have learned so much in the last two months. Teaching is great it is all the other stuff that goes with it that I wasn't prepared for.

Issue number 1: Taking over from an already established teacher with her own routines and expectations of how the program should be run.

Issue number 2: Working with one of the best friends of the teacher that I've replaced is a huge challenge. I know that she is comparing me and my way of doing things to her way and is finding fault in everything I do.

Issue number 3: Being the boss and not realizing when I signed on that that was part of my job description. I thought I'd be working with my assistants. I didn't have a course in working with assistants. I don't know the first thing about being 'in charge' in the sense that I've got to tell other adults what to do. That has been a challenge.

Issue number 4: Understanding that 'no news is good news' and that if I don't hear from administration it is a good thing.

Issue number 5: Finding enough time in the day to run behind all the loose ends that always seem to exist.

Issue number 6: Fear of job security. The trade off of continuing contract rights after year 3.

It has been quite the learning experience and I continue to learn a lot every day.

Married life is good. Am happy. Am trying to diet. Have lost 8lbs. Am severely out of shape. Unhappy with that but am trying to work on it.

The stress of work is muzukashi.

Other things but don't want to publish them here.

Later gators!

2006-09-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

We got married tonight!!!!

2006-09-09T21:19:00.000-05:00

First week has come and gone. I'm a tired girl! I've spent a good portion of my day working on stuff for school. Trying to translate some documents so a recent arrival can try to get some work done for me.
It is really challenging, yet totally fun. I love being the teacher. I love the work. It is a lot of work, but I so enjoy it that it isn't painful or boring to do. The kids are still getting to know me and the 10-12 graders are a bit more resistent to change but they are coming around for the most part.
I need to go to bed so I can get up and get back to working tomorrow. It is only 9.15pm and I'm struggling to keep my eyes open on a Saturday night! What a change for me, the 'night owl'! I'm turning into an 'early bird'. NEVER did I think that would happen!
Less than 2 weeks until Dave and I get hitched-- can't wait!

2006-08-26T03:20:00.000-05:00

must make a public record of it. today, well yesterday was my first day of 'training'... actually the district calls it 'induction training'. we learned a bit more about the district and got a chance to meet who else is new in our buildings.
i am just excited to get into my room and get this year under way. i am ready to meet my students and try to effect positive change where i see necessary.
i am intentionally not capitalizing this blog due to the late hour and trying to stay awake at my other job (it's my last night working here).
the only thing that is unsettling to me is the fact that I am not on a regular teacher's contract. that concerns me. i can't help the nagging feeling i've got in the back of my head.

2006-07-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

Almost August. Almost time to really figure out what I am going to do the first week of school. Too fun! I feel like a grown-up.

The pastor we were seeing isn't cutting it for us. He's too preachy-preachy and seems to be bent on converting us to his Baptist faith. We didn't realize that was what we were getting into, so now we are trying to get out of it.

The thesis is slowly taking shape. Still haven't gotten to the library. But have started writing. That is more than half the battle.

The wedding is just around the corner, well not quite but close enough. I want all the details taken care of before September 1.

It is painfully hot and humid here. But then again it has been painfully hot in the lower 48 for the last 10 or more days in a row. VERY weird weather.

Here's a pic of what I am dreaming of the weather to be like. And so are Picasso(l) and Yukon (r).

2006-07-01T14:58:00.000-05:00

June was a good month

First D. asked me to marry him. Then I went on a few interviews and finally last week I was offered a job at a high school approximately 40 minutes from where I live. Of course, I took it! I will be responsible for 60 students of all abilities. And I get an assistant. I will have two classrooms. It sounds like it will be awesome and is somewhat similar to what I worked with during student teaching. I am so thrilled. So now it is just getting through the summer working at the ranch while trying not to kill anyone there (that is metaphoric not literal of course).

We've decided on where we want to get married, there is a slight problem, something about the floor being 'squishy' ?? My dad is going to talk to the mayor of the town as he is also my dad's barber or something like that. We are getting married on Friday Sept 22 in the evening. Not sure what time yet. Probably around 6 or 7. It will only be immediate family at the actual ceremony. My brother is standing up for me and Dave's sister is standing up for him. Then we will treat our family to dinner somewhere local. Saturday the 23rd will be a pig roast at my parents' house. I'm working on the invitations now. It will probably start around 4pm and go until whenever.
Now it is time to work on my thesis. Got lots of bills due to the ER but it will be all taken care of in all due time.

2006-06-12T17:02:00.000-05:00

Got great news....

Dave finally asked!!!! Of course I said yes. Sounds like we will probably have a party before hand and the ceremony will just be immediate family only. I am so happy!

Now our doggie won't be illegitimate ;-)

Other than that, still working at the ranch and looking for a J-o-b in ESL. I passed my test that was the last requirement for the licensure, so it is now being processed...

Got started on my thesis. Talked with who will be my new advisor and she is WAY helpful!!!! I am so thrilled. This topic seems doable and fun. So I am not dreading doing my thesis now. Woo Hoo.

2006-05-07T15:10:00.000-05:00

Only one more week of student teaching.

I have a job interview tomorrow. Am starting to freak-out a little bit about it. Gotta keep my fingers crossed and say my prayers.

Gotta get back to working on final project-type stuff.

Then the next focus will be that damn thesis...

2006-04-29T20:04:00.000-05:00

I am done with my tests!!!! Woo-hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than that I know not much. The test was hard, but now it is 4 weeks of waiting til I get the results from ETS.
Almost done with student teaching. Have an interview lined up for May 8th.
Went to the doctor yesterday for a check back on the knee and ankle. My knee is in a brace now. Doc thinks may have bruised the cartilege (sp), He wanted to do an MRI, but as I have no insurance, I have no way of paying. Hence the brace.
It's raining which is a good thing cuz the fire danger level was high ~ extremely high for the last little while.
Am waiting for Jordis' tickets to go on sale. Now sounds like it will be Monday that they go on sale. That's ok though. I work tonight, don't think I will be staying awake all night. We will see though. No nap tonight.

2006-04-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

My Knee is so-so...

Last Friday, I took Yukon up to the farm to go for a walk with Picasso and mom on the path. We were almost all the way around the path when Picasso decided he had had enough of Yukon being on the leash and he teased him one time too many. Yukon ran after him and I held on to the leash. He (or They?) yanked me off my feet. My right ankle went right; my knee went left and it felt like my kneecap disappeared for a second. It felt like the bone in my thigh smashed into the bones in my calf. Mom got me back up the hill and into her van. We went to the ER. Nothing is broken but I've got soft tissue damage.
Translation-- a severe sprain. It is really weird because I start to feel better then I try to walk and there is no strength in my leg. I've had to relie on my parents and Dave to get me around. I am going to try to drive tomorrow.

What really bites about this is the job fair is on Monday and that involves a lot of walking. Fortunately right now is testing season at school so that involves much less walking about in the schools. The kids were so cute... they were so happy to see me yesterday and today. I am loving working with the younger ones.

I did online applications for 10 different jobs in one district.

My elderly neighbors called me this afternoon. Actually it was their 50+ year old daughter. She wanted me to come over and witness her parents signing their living wills. So I hobbled over there. They were so funny! They didn't realize I'd injured myself. So I signed for them and went back home.

Yukon is pretty funny. He doesn't know what to think about the crutches. And he isn't very good at getting out of my way.

Well, I should go work on a lesson plan. The Cooperating Teacher I am working with is a stickler for getting my lesson plans two days in advance. I think I may have impressed her a bit with the crossword puzzle concept that I am working on with the first and second graders. It's about time that she realizes that I am not clueless.

They weather has been awesome here lately. But we are now getting a return to 'normal' spring-like weather. That means it is going back down into the upper 50's and lower 60's which is 15 or so degrees cooler than it has been.

Take it easy.

2006-04-16T18:55:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update--

Student teaching is going. I will be happy when it is over and I am qualified to get into my own classroom and set up things for myself.

This weekend has kinda sucked. My dog and my parents' dog accidently caused me to twist my knee and ankle. Am on crutches now. Have to go back to the doctor in 10 days for a check-up. My knee is swollen up about the size of a softball. Yesterday it felt like the size of a football.

Getting around is a pain. About the only thing that feels ok is to lay on the couch with a pillow under my knee.

Hope spring is treating you well whereever you are.

2006-03-15T19:37:00.000-06:00

Happy Hump Day

OK... not really happy, but I can pretend. Am currently watching Bones on TV. 2 more days at the middle and high schools then a week off and after that start at the primary and elementary schools.

I need to register to take the Praxis test at the end of April. Also there is a job fair at the end of April which I think I will register to go to. This year, I will get there bright and early and try to get interviews lined up. I should be able to get a job... I hope. I just need something.

Other news... my friend Mony is preggers--- YIPPIE!! At least for her.

Things are snowy and a bit on the cold side here. Spring is coming, but we are just getting one last winter blast.

Have a happy week!

2006-03-07T18:06:00.000-06:00

It has been a rather depressing day. Kirby Puckett is dead. http://www.startribune.com/10017/story/287541.html
A hero from my youth gone much too soon. This is a man I remember watching. I remember being allowed to stay up late and watch the end of the 1987 World Series and celebrating when the Twins won! Growing up in the 80's we had a true athlete to admire. He wasn't built like a tall Adonis, he was short and stalky like my brother. He had the hustle that was admired by my grandparents. He loved, loved loved what he did and for that I loved to watch him.

The day after the Twins won the 1987 Series there was a humongous party down at the State Capitol. My mom felt it was important enough and a big enough part of history that she let us skip school and she skipped work and we went down to the celebration.
I remember going to a local stripmall by my Grandparents' house and waiting in line to get his autograph (I think it cost a buck) and we each got our picture taken with this living legend. I didn't know how momentous it was at the time, but that is an awesome memory that I had forgotten until yesterday when the news came of his passing.

It was a sad day when his career was cut short, but he stayed with the same team, which is almost unheard of these days and he didn't seem to be playing for the money. He played for the love of the game. He was so much fun to watch but he was still a part of the team. By the time he was publicly disgraced I was living in Japan and was far removed from what was going on in baseball and MN. At that time, I didn't care about baseball or Kirby Puckett but I also always talked about the MN Twins because baseball is so popular in Japan. And it seemed everybody I met had heard of the Twins... that is quite a feat halfway around the world.

But what I have learned about his divorce and subsequent personal revelations is that he was just like the rest of us, human and full of faults. He never denied his faults and he quietly separated himself from the organization he had worked for for close to 20 years. That was a graceful thing to do. I am sorry he was publicly humiliated or disgraced. But he was human and no where is that more obvious than today with the outpouring of love from around the state and the country.

Anyway, I just wanted to comment on my sadness and share some memories of a living legend.

2006-03-06T19:56:00.000-06:00

It's a sad day in MN... A baseball legend has died.

Kirby Puckett had a massive stroke at his home in Arizona on Sunday. He was given last rites this afternoon and they took him off life support and he died.

I'm getting old. I remember the excitement and euphoria when we won the world series in '87. In 1991 I was more into myself and not as into baseball at that time... I was 16 what do you expect?!

2006-03-05T21:54:00.000-06:00

Time flies when life gets in the way.

Teaching has been going fine. Am just jumping through the daily hoops of this student teaching experience. Am hoping that I will be able to find a job. The prospects aren't looking too great in this neck of the woods.

Was talking with my mom today and we started brainstorming about starting our own doggie day care business at the farm. It seems like something we are both genuinely interested in, so we will see what the brainstorming brings. Right now it is in the talking it through stage to try and figure out the logistics of it all.

Am watching the Oscars... I hope Crash wins best picture.

Two more weeks of student teaching at the middle school and high school and then it is off to the primary and elementary schools. When did elementary school stop being elementary school? What is up with these new names for what is k-5??

Happy March to all.

2006-02-09T18:38:00.000-06:00

I really feel like I don't have a clue when it comes to teaching. This is crap! Trying to create my own materials for every f***ing thing is really frustrating.

I have to get to work on creating my lessons for next week and for tomorrow. I wish I had a textbook to work from, that would make my life so much easier. How was I to know that teaching ESL was going to be such a pain in the arse and difficult? It's not what I was taught at university regarding teaching ESL. There are enough materials out there that it shouldn't be a problem, but when a district has no money then the children are the ones who ultimately suffer.

Enough venting, must get to work.

2006-02-04T18:49:00.000-06:00

This post is from 2/4/06

I'm sick. I've got a sore throat and stuffy nose. The joys of working in a close environment with lots of germs... So I'm drinking my green tea and watching tv. I want to try and stay awake for when Dave comes home, but I don't know if I will make it that late.

Other than that I am still jumping through hoops. I don't like my supervisor for this student teaching experience. I don't feel respected.

2006-01-25T18:23:00.000-06:00

I'm confused. I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but now I'm not so sure. I am into my first full week of student teaching and it is a lot like what I did last term with the field experience. I like working in the high school but am beginning to be filled with dread and fear about going into the elementary schools. The middle school sucks and I don't want to get into it here.

I just wanted to vent a little bit in public about this questioning of mine. It also sucks that Dave is working at the prison now and his hours are the total opposite of mine. So I am sleeping when he gets home from work and he is sleeping when I get up and leave for work. Hopefully it isn't forever. But what will I do if I don't like teaching? This is what I've had my heart set on for the last two years and now it seems like it might be crashing down around me.... Scared. Nervous. Unsure. Not thrilled about reliving the middle school emotions through the eyes of an onlooker and adult. Its kinda weird and a bit uncomfortable for me. I remember how much it sucked and feel for these kids but I also see them as only kids and I felt like I was so much more grown-up when I was in 8th grade than what I am seeing from these wee-ones. I guess this is what 31 and adulthood feels like and looks like.
On that note... my body is shifting... and not necessarily in a good way. I've got more hips and ass and thighs than I care for but have no motivation to exercise even though clothing doesn't fit so well anymore. It seems once I hit 29 and stopped getting regular exercise and stopped eating well and kept drinking... well logic tells me what has caused this global shift. It didn't help that I quit smoking and ate my way through the first couple of months. It is so easy to let the weight creep on and next to impossible to see any dynamic shift when I try to make it shift back. I was walking daily with the dog and now I'm not. When I was the weight wasn't moving, so why should I continue? Poor excuse I know but that is all I have for now.

2005-12-23T11:51:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas to All!!!
I've decided to change the topic of my thesis, which means starting over from scratch, but without the transcription headaches and with the potential of writing something useful instead of something that will just collect dust on a shelf somewhere.

Talk to you in the New Year, if I don't have jury duty. Wouldn't it be cool if I got on a sensationalistic case???

2005-12-03T10:27:00.000-06:00

Just a quick note... I was gonna do my proposal meeting for my thesis in two weeks, but have run into a minor/major problem, my chairperson only wants completed chapters to review he doesn't do drafts.
It was my understanding that the thesis process was a learning process and that working with a mentor (the first reader of your thesis) was suppose to guide me on this process. Well this particular person is not that way. I didn't know this prior to last week.
So I've emailed all my members and told them to take me off the schedule for December.

On a different note, Dave and I are trying to save money so our house is rather C-O-L-D... right now it is 57.7 degrees in here. It sometimes gets up to 62 but that is about it. Wearing multiple layers is the rule of thumb. If it makes a huge difference on our heating bill then I will continue to suffer, but it is only 12 degrees outside (that's roughly -10 C). So I sometimes feel warmer when I take Yukon outside to play in the snow.
Oh, that is the other thing...it's been snowing on and off for the last week or so. It makes it look more like Christmas time. It is weird though, cuz we don't have room for a Christmas tree in our little house so it doesn't feel very christmasy here.
Well I need to get back to reading for my thesis. Take care and happy holidays to all.

Posting two picks... one of Yukon doing the pseudo-husky curl and

the other is of my sister Jenny with her dog when it snowed (a rare occassion out in Maryland) playing in the backyard.
it won't upload. oh well.

2005-10-07T19:02:00.000-05:00

This ain't gonna be a long one... My show is one and I wanna watch it.... Just a couple of things

1- Miranda and I got the go-ahead to present at the MinneTESOL conference in November. That has us totally stoked as we get to talk about what is important to us in the field of teaching English as a Second/Alternate/Other/Additional language.

2- Tomorrow is the Howling at the moon party. Annual family party that was started after 9-11, just to bring some joy to people. Oddly enough, the last two years the party has been held on a Saturday when there hasn't been a full moon. Doesn't stop the Howling competition though!

3- Gotta get to work on my thesis. However, I have a reason to put it off til Mid-November (see number 1).

4- As I get rolling into my 30s I realize that it is an impossible dream to think that one can maintain the friendships cultivated in high school. All the people I knew have changed so much that it is ridiculous to try and pretend to understand each other any more.

5- Still missing smoking, but think I am at 100 days!!! Big mile-stone for me.

Have a good weekend. And if you see the moon on Saturday, give her a howl---WOOO HOOOO WOOOOO!!!!

2005-09-30T15:35:00.000-05:00

I've decided that if anyone is going to go back to school, choose where you go wisely. The hoops I have to jump through to get licensed are annoying at best and &%$@ at worst.

The good news is my long lost sister has come into my life again. This week has been awesome because her and I have been emailing. Catching up on the last 15 years or so. She is a police officer out in Maryland now.

Today is Dad's birthday so I gotta get a move on. Have tons of work to do this weekend. Am sick of being a student...

2005-09-08T23:34:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture of my puppy... ok, he's not exactly small and he isn't exactly a puppy. But he is two and a half-ish and is a wonderful dog. His name is Yukon and he was basically my gift for quitting smoking. We got him around the same time as I quit.

I decided I should update my blog as I haven't done so in ages.

The whole quitting smoking thing is going well. I must say I miss it though. Although this time around I know-- know-- that I cannot have even one drag as it will start me up again. And I really don't want to have to go through the quitting process again. But it sucks nonetheless. I miss the taste... the texture... but I don't miss how it would make me smell. I realize that more and more when I go up to my parents house and the stench that permeates everything. Two heavy smokers in a closed up house doesn't leave things smelling too good. And Dave likes me better as a non-smoker.

School. It does seem to be never ending and entirely useless. Am now taking the 'education block' classes. Not sure if it will actually get me ready for teaching in 7 weeks or not. Am thinking not.

My mate, Miranda (she's on the left, sitting next to Yukiyo), got a job teaching in an actual school district with an actual paycheck attached! At least she will not have to suffer through paying the school for her teaching experience. Yeah her!!!

What else can I tell you???? Am missing having close girlfriends. It is difficult being this age, back in school, no children and not gainfully employed. Makes making friends hard. Thank god I've got Dave. But even he doesn't understand all the time. Sometimes I need a girlfriend to just hang out with. I will sure be glad when I get done with school and get into a school where I can be a colleague. Hopefully will be able to make some friends that way.

OH!?!! I almost forgot to mention JORDIS UNGA and her incredible run on Rockstar:INXS. She done us Minnesotans proud, but we are glad to have our 'native daughter' back home where she can jam with her band, Liar's Club. http://www.myspace.com-liarsclubband If you give it a few minutes to get all jiggy you can hear 4 of their songs. I really like her voice and how she sounds with her band is F'-ing awesome! Love 'em!

Have been having weird dreams lately. Not sure why. For example... last week during all the drama unfolding on the Gulf Coast I dreamt about my friend who lives in Arkansas. It was an awful dream. Her and her husband had bought a convenience store and she was working there when her husband came home and killed her. I won't go into the graphic nature of the dream, but it was bad and bloody. And the worst is I can't get a hold of her.

Then a couple days after that dream I dreamt I got my nose and my tongue pierced again. I've been thinking about getting my nose done again, but haven't done it yet. But why would my subconscious dream about and feel the needles in both my nose and my tongue???

Am sick and tired of being broke, but Dave doesn't want me to quit school to get a job. So I pick up odd shifts here and there. I feel like I'm 21 again. Except this time I am alot smarter with my credit cards. Well, up until this past week when I went on a binge. Target is a wonderful store.

Will try to be more diligent in updating more frequently. Until next time....XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

2005-07-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

I have just started watching that new reality Rock star show called Rockstar: Inxs. The band is looking for a new lead singer and have whittled down the selections to 14 now. It is like Idol, but with a much more realistic feel and not quite as cheesy as Idol. Anyway, there is a chick from St. Paul. Her vocals are AWESOME! She is only 22, her name is Jordis and I predict she will take the lead. She rocks! If you are interested, the adverts said it was being broadcast worldwide (how that is possible is beyond me, maybe via the web?)

I quit smoking two weeks ago. It is going good. It helps to not be living with smokers and to be getting the support I need from Dave. He is being wonderful. And this past weekend we adopted our own dog from the Humane Society in Coon Rapids. He is an Alaskan Husky and absolutely mellow and gorgeous and sweet. So I've got a walking buddy now and I can't blow off going for a walk because Yukon depends on us to get his exercise. He is two and a half years old. He was given up because he kept killing the neighbor's chickens (7 in all) and a few rabbits... well that is just the Husky in him, its in his nature to hunt. You can't take the hunter out of the dog.

School finishes on Thursday and then the next summer session begins on Monday. That is going to kind of suck because I have class at 7.30a.m. M~Th. So I will try to get up early enough every day to take Yukon for his morning walk. That way when Dave comes home from work he can just feed him and go to bed. He is still working overnights.

This heat and humidity is a total bummer during the afternoons. It is definitely summer in MN. A big change from last summer. Oh well. The mosquitoes are not as bad because the city has been spraying, but they still find me and get me. I am not looking forward to going up to the farm to see Picasso. The mosquitoes are probably breeding in the pond. So they are very thick at the farm.

2005-06-28T23:48:00.000-05:00

Right. It's been ages since I've updated.

Here's what's happening....

Summer Session I is underway. Got tons to do and not enough time to do it in, imagine that!

I am on day two of my quit. That would be my quit smoking again plan. Have joined Quitplan.com very useful and user-friendly site.

Am still tutoring the boys in Japanese once a week. That is good fun.

Am picking up shifts now and then at the Ranch to fill in the income gap in my life right now. I owe D. money from our trip and for household expenses.

Summer is hot and humid and mosquito-filled. Can't decide which itches more, my bug bites or my rash from the Zyban.

Hope everyone has a good 4th. I will be working and taking care of Picasso.

2005-06-02T01:42:00.000-05:00

Right, it's 1:43am and I'm still up... What is up with that??? Oh yeah... I like to sleep in with my honey when he gets home from work in the mornings and I'm on break from school so it's allowed.

I really need to get to work transcribing my thesis samples... Ugh... not something I'm looking forward to. Also need to contact FinAid due to their policies regarding more than 45 credits for a Graduate Student. Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for me.

Just out of curiosity, does anyone else's Blog show that they have only made "69" entries? Mine seems stuck at this number and I'm getting annoyed. I thought it was my eyes going buggy on me, but this is the number it has been stuck at for Months!!!

South Dakota was great. Did all the touristy stuff and really enjoyed ourselves.

That's about all I know.

2005-05-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've written. I tried writing just at the end of the semester, but my computer decided it had issues and lost all I had written.

I only have about two weeks left of my 'break' then summer classes begin. Financial aid is turning out to be tricky, but hopefully that will get resolved within the next couple of weeks.

Dave and I went to South Dakota last weekend. We did the touristy things and it was great. Exactly what we needed. I was really pissed at him for a few days before we left, but the vacation calmed me down and we were able to talk about what was on my mind.

I need to quit smoking again. It is such a horrible habit and I wish I'd never started. And it has got me so I'm looking into my options for quitting. I would like to be smoke-free for at least 3 months before we decide to get preggers. And as I'm not gettting any younger, I'd like that to be sooner rather than later.

Other than that, I am just waiting for summer to start. I am beginning to feel like I like in England with as much rain as we've been having. It is just ridiculous! June is just around the corner and it still feels like early~mid spring...

Take care. And I hope it is nice where-ever you are...

2005-04-13T13:10:00.000-05:00

Wow am I a slacker! Actually, I've been just getting busier and busier as the semester rolls forward. I turned in my application for student teaching today. Am slated to student teach next spring. However, I am going to an education job fair next week to see if maybe, just maybe I can get an actual, paid teaching position in an actual school district. If I can/do then I would have to take 3 different classes in the fall and would have to be observed 3 times in the classroom by either a licensed ESL teacher or by the principal. But that would alleviate having to pay SCSU for my student teaching experience.
The few people I have spoken to about this job fair seem to think that I have a better chance than most because I've got roughly 5 years experience by now. So keep your fingers crossed for me.
I am taking 3 classes over the summer, and one of them is an intensive 2-week seminar on bilingual/multicultural materials in the k-8 classroom. Ought to be interesting I think.
Well, I've got to go, am presenting in my health class today and am waiting for my team to show up.
Happy Spring to all!

2005-03-10T13:33:00.000-06:00

Got my DSL connection at home today. I have the boys coming over for their Japanese tutoring session at 3. That is going well.
Need to work on my resume as I might be going off on a job hunt in April.

Picasso is here (at my house) visiting for the day. He's bummed because Dave just left. He is a male oriented dog. He seems to only tolerate women. Well, that's not entirely true, he loves me and mom, but he prefers the ones with testosterone.
He's almost perfectly better. The docs at the U did a fantastic job fixing him up. They said that if we hadn't gotten it fixed, Picasso would have really bad arthritis right now (he's only 1).

Its my spring break, kinda early, and the kids I tutor are not on break so, I've only got a break from my studies and not from them. However, I will get a much needed break from them at the end of the month.

That's about all I know. Hope all is well.

2005-02-09T13:54:00.000-06:00

Am sitting in a computer lab on campus killing time until practicum only to have to rush across campus to get to a health class where the instructor says she would rather you show up late than not at all, but she gives you nasty little looks if you walk in late.
Ok that is at least my perception of the situation the last time I entered her class late. No choice on coming late when my other class ran late. Time constraints of the frazzled TA.
Actually, not that frazzled. Totally enjoying teaching. Mom and dad will be home late this evening which means Dave and I can go back to our peaceful existence in our house, sans dog.

Don't know much else except I slipped on the ice this morning and got scalded with my coffee. At least the mug didn't break and no bones broke either.

Hope it is warmer and safer where ever you might be...

2005-02-05T14:42:00.000-06:00

The time is short...

Only a few more days till mom and dad come home and resume responsibility for Picasso. He is recovering well. I love him but I need my freedom.

My life now consists of teaching at the ungodly hour of 9am on Mondays and Wednesdays. But I must commute over an hour to get there, which makes it ungodly.

Am still tutoring the Japanese gals and now am also tutoring a boy from Taiwan. And starting next week I will attempt to teach a 9 and 10 year old some Japanese. That ought to be interesting. At least my pronunciation doesn't suck.

Can't wait to get back into our house as we have been living at the farm since the chaos erupted at the beginning of January.

The stress of the last month has been interesting for our relationship. we are really learning alot about each other. And do we both carry alot of excess baggage into this relationship. Too bad there isn't a way to hit delete on all those repressed feelings and emotions.

Also it has been nice and warm here. Yesterday was 53! Today is in the upper 40's. That is almost unheard of for this time of year. Unfortunately, it won't last. They are saying snow tomorrow night and Tuesday (just my luck, the roads will be shitty for driving at 7:30am).

Hope the sun is shining whereever you might be.

2005-01-16T14:59:00.000-06:00

I'm 30 today and depressed. Not because its my birthday, but because of everything else that has been going on in my world. Yesterday my puppy took a bad spill on his hind legs and did the splits. He yelped, but he did get himself up and has been walking around pretty well, except with a noticeable limp. I called the vet and they said that the limp would be expected. Other than that he seems to be doing ok. He knows he has to rest.
I just hope we can find the jerks who intentionally ran over our dog. I can't believe anyone would be so cruel like that.
Dave is being wonderful. He let me sleep in this morning. And he cooked me a birthday brunch when I got up.
I should really get to work on my syllabus for this semester, but don't feel like it yet.

2005-01-12T19:24:00.000-06:00

Oh how the NEW year sucks. I've basically decided that anything bad is going to happen to me within the first three months of any year. My favorite Grandpa died (a while ago now) in February. My little bro, Scott died in February, 2002. I busted my teeth in March. Now this....
Last week my dog, Picasso was hit by a car, intentionally it looks like based on the tire marks I saw. So he had surgery to repair his busted hip on Monday and is now home recouperating. Don't forget my 'rents are in FL for the month and only left a couple of days before New Years' Eve.
Then, my dipsh*t stepbrother decided to get hammered (remember he is suppose to be sober and not drinking at all)on Saturday afternoon and drive my parents car. He frickin' crashed it and claims that the front tire blew out on him. He got busted with multiple bottles and one open one in the car. He basically kissed custody of his daughter goodbye.
Two days ago found out my parents drain field is frozen for the winter which means we can't use too much water here at the farm.
It has been a nightmare. Fortunately, Dave is being really great and helpful and supportive.
So I hope everyone else's New Year has started off better than mine.

2004-12-25T17:39:00.000-06:00

This is for those who check me periodically...

Moved in with Dave. Has been a busy week and a half. Still getting the house how we want it.

Things are going great. Am offline unless I go to a public computer or to my mother's. Don't know when we are getting a landline.

Tutoring is going good.

Life is great! I didn't know love could be like this.

Happy holidays and merry new year to all.

2004-12-14T11:24:00.000-06:00

Hi

It's been busy since D got home. This week we are going to be able to get his house back from the renter. Then we will be moving over the weekend.

Got finals coming up and the end of the year crunch is on!

2004-11-17T01:12:00.000-06:00

I am so happy Dave is home. It is great to have him snuggled up next to me while we drift off to sleep. It is as he says...he was only gone for one really long day. The sun went down....then it came up and he came home. Albeit, a year later. But we picked up where we left off. Stronger for the separation.

Mom and Dad are eager for me to abandon ship. Translation...get the f out of their house. Then it will be Scott's turn to leave and they can have their peace and quiet back.

Have been having a hard time concentrating on school. But am getting back on track.

Got a gig tutoring two Japanese girls who are studying at the local high school. Their English is not so good and they are floundering badly in their studies. They told me the most difficult thing is reading, speaking and listening. Well, that about sums up living in a foreign country. So I will have to create materials for them. But it is something new and different and I am really excited for this opportunity.
My name is getting out there. Maybe I can turn this into an employment opportunity.

Picasso is doing good. He is still a turd sometimes...especially if he is out exploring and doesn't want to "come" when called. That is his most challenging command. Puppy classes are good. But I'm not sure if he will get the "good canine citizen" award. He is a bit bullheaded. Gee, he fits right in with this family.

Going to Canada for Thanksgiving weekend. Just me and Dave. An opportunity to get away, just the two of us. Kind of roughing it, as the cabin's water supply has been turned off for the season. Should be interesting to see how I do. New challenges are good.

2004-11-13T01:17:00.000-06:00

He made it home!!!!

Am a VERY happy girl!!!

Happy, happy, joy, joy......

Staying at the cabin. Am at work right now. Back to real life. Got a foot in the door with the ESL/ELL world of work in my neighborhood. Am meeting with two Japanese girls next week to see about tutoring them and to help them adjust to life and learning in MN. Ought to be interesting. The best part is I get paid for it, and I totally love it, that it isn't like a "job". Woo hoo!!!!!!

2004-10-31T12:19:00.000-06:00

He is in NZ!!! Going to the travel agent today. If he can't get home on Friday, he gave me the choice of Saturday or Thursday...I chose Thursday of course! Am just in a holding pattern waiting to find out when I can go to the airport and pick him up.

2004-10-30T18:24:00.000-05:00

DRRR

Went to the bio-dad's last night. today he had the audacity to ask me if I was "rushing" things with Dave. Hello?!?!?!?! He's been gone for a year, no intimacy or issues of physical-ness interfering with getting to know one another. Annoyed!

Haven't heard from Dave yet. Dunno if he is in NZ or not. Let's hope he is.

I have to go to work tonight. Wonder if the ghosts will be out, as it will be Halloween morning?? Will let you know later...

2004-10-28T23:01:00.000-05:00

Dave called today. The plane was on its way! He was going to McMurdo for the night cuz the weather over the ocean was lousy and not good for flying. So hopefully he will be in Christchurch on Saturday or Sunday (my time) at the latest. He should be home in 7 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It will be much easier for him to get off the ice from MacTown, than from the Pole.

My thesis and transcription(s) are coming along. Am happy with where its going. Going down to the University of MN tomorrow to attend a lecture with my prof and fellow linguists, then going to spend the evening with my dad and stepmom. I haven't seen them in ages so I should go there before Dave comes home.

Hope all is well in everyone's world.

2004-10-24T20:09:00.000-05:00

just for fun...Something to think about..........

I am a hybrid of:
Girl Next Door
Progressive Girl

Click on the pictures below to read more:

Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

2004-10-24T19:54:00.000-05:00

I've only got 11 days til I get to see, touch, hold (and other things) my love.

I'm watching my show "American Dreams" I love this show! I don't know why, but it reminds me of a show I used to watch when I was a kid "Rags to Riches" (I think that was the title. About 5 orphan girls in the 60's. One of them was Tischa Campbell) Anyway, its a nice escapism.

As for the thesis...I've decided to not use my old data set. Start over fresh. So I started transcribing the tapes this weekend, and I might have a different angle to approach it from. So there are alot of decisions to be made regarding what I'm gonna do with it.

I just want my love home.

2004-10-13T21:37:00.000-05:00

Don't want to talk about the thesis issues. Have a literary review due next week that ideally will be incorporated into my first chapter of my thesis. Although I've hit a major bug already. I suppose this is what it means to actually create a research project. *sigh*

On a lighter note... Dave will be home on November 5th, so long as the weather cooperates. Here is a link to view the weather at the south pole...
http://www.cmdl.noaa.gov/obop/spo/livecamera.html
this is how I keep tabs on what Mother Nature is doing to my plans. So far it has been nice for two or 3 days now. But the weather is apt to change on a dime.

2004-10-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

14 days and counting. Time to start making those reservations.... ;-)

Can't wait till he is home and I am living again. You know that feeling when you are with the one you love and you just feel so much more ALIVE than before. I miss that feeling.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday.

The stepbrother is getting child protective services involved in order to get his daughter back. That happens tomorrow as well. Seems like he just knows how to ruin Mom and Dad's birthday this year without really trying.

School bites. My thesis might be self-imploding due to lack of proper foresight on my part. We will have to see.

2004-10-10T20:58:00.000-05:00

I just want my own life back. I don't want to be living with the 'rents anymore. Yes they feed me well, but the guilt that is dished out on a daily basis sucks. The BF says he should be off the ice in 16 days. He told his renter she could stay for the month of November. My other show is starting...Dead Like Me.

2004-10-08T20:44:00.000-05:00

GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Am watching the presidential debate and have decided that Kerry is a smarmy, slithering, serpentine. His tongue comes out of his mouth and looks like the motion of a snake.

For the first time in my life I think I will vote Republican simply because Bush is a known factor and not very wishy-washy.

Kerry would only wreak havoc with our sh@#y political system and inflict more damage than good. He doesn't know what he wants or which way he'd vote unless instructed by his cabinet to do so. He is a scary prospect in the Oval Office!

2004-10-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

I need to improve my vocabulary. I am evidently stuck in a rut by using the word "So" to begin just about every other sentence.

Right now I am watching Days of Our Lives... I am finding this whole island storyline ridiculous. Although I haven't been watching it regularly enough to really find it believeable. I just want to know why Sean is now in love with Jan and has completely forgotten about Belle. That's the only part of the story line that has me interested right now. Soaps are so unrealistic and great for escapism, but are they ever "believeable"? Once upon a time when I was eleven, I believed that how life was portrayed on tv would be how my life would be when I became an adult... Now I know the truth. But it is still a nice escape from reality.

Here's a rhetorical question, answer if you feel so inclined... If you had a check that was addressed to someone else, say your husband, would you cash it if told it was ok to do so by your mother-in-law? (Second party check with third party permission)

The situation with the step-brother is still an ongoing dilemma. Although his lawyer is working on getting him temporary custody of Breanna. It's like living in my own personal soap opera.

Here's my storyline:
I am 29 years old. Living at home while going to school for my master's and teaching license. Waiting for my boyfriend to return to civilization from his outpost on the ice. Familial problems which have the potential to overflow on a weekly basis. I only work sporadically, when I choose to do so. I tried to get a brainless job but was overqualified and couldn't even get an interview. Go figure...

2004-10-01T01:22:00.000-05:00

Is it good luck or bad luck?

I have this beautiful antique platinum diamond-encrusted ring that was a gift from my dad and mom upon returning from Japan. Well, about 5 months ago, the center diamond popped out of the setting while I was hammering a nail into the floor. This was back when we had a small puppy who got into everything. Well half hour after I discovered it missing I found the diamond just lying on the floor not far from where the nail was. So I finally got around to taking the ring to the jeweller's in July. It was fixed. Well today while I was at school filling out paperwork in the English Office, Sue, the IEC secretary commented on how pretty my ring is, at which point I noticed that one of the small (think a bit bigger than the head of a straight pin) diamonds was gone. I figured there was no way I would find it, as it was so tiny. But about 5 minutes later, I looked at the floor and there was something sparkling up at me. Sure enough, it was my diamond! So now my mom has told me I should only wear it for good, special occassions because she doesn't know ANY woman who has lost a diamond or two out of the same ring and still recovered the diamond! So would you say it was good luck or bad luck? I am opting for the good luck. She (mom) doesn't think I can be so lucky three times. So now my beautiful if slightly flawed ring sits in a plastic bag with the itty-bitty diamond taped to a piece of paper. Perhaps, its a sign of good things to come???

On another note....

the thesis is evolving. I have to try and get in touch with a student from last year to hopefully do a longitudinal study of him and his progress with the english language. Although, I think it might be interesting to study him and his progress as well as one of his (former) classmates. The classmate was older than him and more mature and serious. So it is still evolving. Fortunately I won't be defending it until summer 2006. So I've got some time.

Only 3.9 weeks til my David is scheduled to come home. Am getting eager!!! I am long overdue for a little bit of loving, as is he. Shall be an eventful homecoming I hope!

2004-09-28T02:01:00.000-05:00

Little Picasso is growing up! He has been enrolled in obedience classes. And he has taken to sleeping on Mom and Dad's floor instead of in my room. Although, tonight he is on my bed with me. He missed me today while I was at work.

On a different note:
I have an appointment with my advisor to discuss the whole thesis, committee, graduation stuff on Thursday. I want to get all the nitty-gritty details worked out before Dave comes home. (only 4.6 weeks to go!!!!)

Things with the brother and his psycho (ex)wife are worse than ever. She is now holding the daughter hostage for a while. Won't let Brother come get her and bring her up here for a week (as they previously agreed to do).

I just want my own life to begin.

I am hoping to get to Japan in May as I will be on break from school then. I am also hoping Dave and I get to do some local travelling too.

That's about all I know. Hope all is well.

2004-09-16T23:43:00.000-05:00

So week 2 of class is done. I am having a hard time getting organized. The frenetic pace of jumping back on the speeding train known as a Master's program is....um.... interesting. Oddly enough, the class I've been most worried about might turn out ok. I think my thesis is getting on track and now I have to assemble my committee. I just hope they all agree. If not, I don't know what I will do.

Dave said the sun is finally starting to come up on the ice. One more milestone down. I think it is approximately 40 more days til he is home again.

I don't know much else.

2004-09-15T01:20:00.000-05:00

So here's the deal..

I am contemplating my thesis...

I want my love HOME, but it is soon coming, so I guess I can be patient a little while longer.. But he knows he will be on a short leash for a little while at first. I just want to spend as much time as possible with him when he gets home. We are at approximately 13% now, so it won't be long.

As for my thesis, I need to establish my committee and I need to find out if I can recreate a study based on another discipline (I think I can do it, but I gotta double check). I want to investigate the usage of gap-fillers and disfluencies as they are used in ESL.

Watched a great movie tonight, "Man on Fire" I highly recommend it.

I miss life abroad. And hope that after I get my degree I/we can move somewhere else before we buy land. It would be awesome to work in Antarctica and save some money, or Alaska.

That's about it from here.

Have been trying to reach my friend Mikiko but I think I have the wrong number. So I shall try again. I have asked my friend here to do a people search in Japanese for me (to look for her).

2004-09-07T11:20:00.000-05:00

Not sure if I'm happy or sad about school startingtoday. Guess we'll see how it goes.

Any personal information about the state of Japan after the earthquake(s) in Kinki this weekend would be greatly appreciated.

My stepbrother doesn't have a brain. I have given up on trying to get through to him or his daughter. I just wish they'd leave and never come back. She has a touch of the devil in her (and I don't mean that in the good/nice way) and he is just plain DUMB.

Less than two months until my David returns--Yippie!!!

2004-09-03T13:42:00.000-05:00

I've decided my stepbrother is an idiot. He is off talking with his soon to be ex. He has disclosed way too much info as to what he is thinking of doing, etc. Needless to say he has royally infuriated Mom and Dad and me.

I want to plan a trip for beginning of January but I don't know where to. Can't be too expensive or too long as school starts again on January 20th. Any suggestions???

2004-09-02T01:58:00.000-05:00

So my brother is finally getting his head on straight and is starting to think like his EX. The screws are slowly being turned on her world, but she doesn't know it yet.

School starts next week. Yea, I think.

I haven't hardly touched my thesis research stuff this summer. *sigh* But my excuse is I am taking the research class this semester and will learn how to do what I need to do to write an effective thesis, hopefully on a publishable subject. Am currently thinking of examining people's use of gap-fillers when giving formal speeches. Are these active listening devices or are they used to make them sound more "native-like"?

It's too bloody late at night to get into this now. But check back periodically throughout the semester as I might be mulling it over on this medium.

Sleep time after finishing my brew...

2004-08-28T23:50:00.000-05:00

So my honey will FINALLY be home in about 9 weeks. I am so f'ing excited. Checked my grade from this last summer session- I got an A+ (don't mean to brag) in my psych class. That made me very happy. The only down side is it was an Undergrad course, so it doesn't bump up my grad GPA. Have been trying to work on my thesis transcriptions, but am taking a break from school.

I want to get another husky, but have to wait til Dave gets home and meets Picasso. If he likes him and sees that he isn't TOO big, then we will probably get one.

I gotta quit smoking again. I just like it too much. Physical activity is not part of my domain...but I know I should do something.

As for my niece...one week with her mother undid everything we taught her over 7 weeks. So now she is at her mom's for another week and it will be interesting to see how she is next week. This is the first weekend I have not worked in who knows how long, it feels good.

This has been the weirdest summer that I can remember in MN. It has been mostly cool, with temps in the 60-70 degree range. The leaves are already changing color and we broke record cold temps a couple of weeks ago. Makes me miss my honey, this was how the weather was when he left. But at least he'll be home soon. Don't get me wrong, am enjoying the cooler temps simply because that means the 'squitos aren't out and about. And I hate wearing shorts, so I've been able to get away with wearing jeans most of the summer.

What else..???.,...

Not much. Mom's got issues with her brother. He's being a dickhead about settling their mother's estate, so that is an added stress around here. My niece's mother plays nice until she has to pee in a cup on Monday(s) then she goes back to her drugs and we have to deal with her freak-outs for approximately two days. It sucks. So life is a constant roller-coaster around here. I never knew how bad meth was until now. Am so glad I don't use anything but alcohol anymore. It's too scary of a world.

I just wish things would settle down and return to a sense of normalcy. Oh well. Some day it will. I just hope my (step)brother can pull through this and be stronger for it. But it seems that some men are the weaker sex. Giving in when they shouldn't...

I hope to get to the State Fair on Monday, but may have to go to the Lawyer with my brother instead. I want the straight facts and not his distorted version of the truth. He has a tendency of stretching the truth and twisting it to some degree, but not to the same degree as his ex. So at least if I go, mom and dad and I will get the real facts of the matter. Hopefully she can undo what this last judge did by awarding 50-50 custody. We'll see.

Hope all is well with my friends.

2004-08-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

I'm Free!!!
I do not have to be responsible for my niece anymore. The judge today took me out of the equation. Now Melissa and Scott will share custody for the next year, 1 week with mom, 1 week with dad effective tomorrow. I get a break. Everyone around here gets a break.

Went and took my final today after driving all over the state and as I handed it in, my prof told me I already had an A. Which means I didn't have to take the final. But if i did better on the final than my lowest score (81%) then that score will be dropped and replaced by my final score. So either way, I win. Yeah me!

So now, finally I get to have a little bit of summer and start planning my events for when Dave comes home. We are almost to the 75 days to go mark. Yeah us! And we are going to Key West for New Years. So I gotta try to make reservations or something.

Finally, things are looking good again!! Yeah me! Yeah you! Yeah my love of my life! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

2004-08-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

Doesn't it just figure

It is my last week of class and my stepbrother's wife is making life more exasperating. She is taking us back to court on Thursday, which is the day of my final (it is optional, but I'm an over-achiever and want an A) So I am debating on whether to go and take it or not. We have to be in court at 9am and my final is at 3, technically enough time to get there, but I have to drive from one end of the state to the other.
I am sick and tired of playing this game, she (the mother) likes to take things that are said and twist them to suit her purposes. Her daughter, my niece, knows EXACTLY how to play her mom. She puts on an act when she is on the phone with her, makes her voice sound like she is crying to get her mother upset and bummed out, all the while she is making faces and whispering to those of us around her. Last night I asked my niece if she wanted a shower or a bath (while she was on the phone with her mom) and she whispered "bath" well her mother heard the word "bad". As in she is bad for missing her mom, or something to that effect. The mother is selectively taping the phone calls, and it is noticable on our tape, cuz our tape cuts out when she does something on her end with her tape recorder. It is rather annoying.
If she spent half as much energy trying to better herself and get a job as she is expending on making our lives more difficult, she would be employed by now. She wants economic assistance, but probably can't get much if she doesn't have my niece in her custody.
This whole situation is making me a nervous wreck, and I need a vacation!!!

2004-07-26T20:56:00.000-05:00

beauty pagents aren't what they're cracked up to be...
went to watch my friend's daughter's final ceremony yesterday, well it's all about the money. A big fat girl won a placement in Stasia's division. It was obvious it was about the money. So sad that this little girl's dreams were crushed for a third year. She's a darling little 10 year old. I wish that it wasn't so...

Other news...
My neice's mother, I spoke with her this evening...After she bad mouthed my stepbrother for a while, I said "my only concern is the child".... well the mother wanted to take the child for the weekend, I said "no. Not until you prove to me that you can be trusted" or something to that effect.

My puppy loves me. He was just giving me kisses. Gotta go and pay attention to him. He's such a lover.

2004-07-15T22:24:00.000-05:00

Blogger Changed Again!!!
I am happy to see that they continue to update the format of blogging.

my life as of late has been chaos, to put it mildly. My stepbrother and his daughter have moved in. Well, long story short, I am a mandated reporter and went to court with my stepbrother on behalf of his daughter. His sometime soon to be ex-wife has lots of problems, mainly one that comes out of a pipe and is brewed from household chemicals. She is off her rocker (my opinion). Well I told the court that my niece is now on a schedule and is learning things that a 4 year old should know or be learning. She is eating 3 square meals a day. The court granted Scott temporary custody of Brea for a year, provided I am around and assisting in the raising of this precious little girl.
The mother called last night all pissy (and maybe a little f'd up on something too) and screaming at me, my mom, my dad (stepdad). Finally we stopped answering the phone and she left 3 messages. Today when she talked to Brea, she told her a bunch of stuff which Brea told us throughout the day. Specifically Brea told Grandma, my mom, that "she was going to her other grandma's house and NEVER coming back here"... later she told her daddy about "Mommy and Jeffery kissing and playing in the bed naked" then when I got home from school she told me that her and her mommy were "moving to a different MN". The mother gets visitation on Saturdays from noon to 6pm, starting this week. We or more specifically me are concerned that a parental-abduction is in the works. So Saturday is going to be stressful to say the least.
I don't trust this woman as far as I can throw her. If she stopped using whatever it is she is on, then maybe we could work on trust. But I have just as much rights as S does now. I am responsible for her for the next year of her life. I don't want this to go sour. But I don't know what to do. I only hope and pray for the best. S doesn't want to call the cops tonight to take a statement, etc. He wants to do it tomorrow when we can contact the police from his area.
GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-07-04T08:04:00.000-05:00

Finals Week

And I've got a ton of stuff to do. But my life has been turned upside down kind of. My stepbrother and his daughter have moved in, temporarily. She is 4 years old and has not learned anything from her mother. She should be able to identify letters and numbers by this age, but she can't. Her mom has not helped her developmental growth at all. So she will be staying with Gramma and Grampa and Auntie for at least a month and I hope to get her up to speed so she is ready for preschool in the fall. She is a sweet little girl but mommy spent most of her days sleeping and using drugs...Her daddy is in the process of getting the paperwork started for a divorce and Dad and I have told him he needs to get a protection order against the mother to keep my neice safe. She can't be driven around in a vehicle which has been used to transport who knows what kind of drugs, perhaps metamphetmines (sp) or something. Whatever it is, if my neice were to put a straw, which had been dropped on the floorboard, into her mouth she could have a heart attack and die instantly. No 4 year old child should be in that environment. She hasn't been told "no" very often and she doesn't understand why she has to listen and not do whatever she wants to do. So she is learning that she has to listen to the adults around her. The first two days she asked for her mommy but now she doesn't hardly ask at all. I took her to Target to get some educational toys, not that LeapPad talking "educational" toy that she came here with, but puzzles and memory games to strengthen her brain. While we were in the store she called me "mommy" and I had to remind her that I am her "auntie".
So here I am at 8am on Sunday morning worrying about my neice when I've got a ton of work to do for this week. I have to turn in two papers and a group project. My group has had some internal strife and we are just trying to get it done. I forgot how intensive summer classes are...the time just flies and you have to cover what is normally covered in a 16 week course but in 1/3 the time. The only good thing is it will be one less class towards my k-12 licensure.
Am still waiting to hear if we are moving to Alaska or not. Talked to Dave last night and he still hasn't heard from Barrow. He is hoping to hear this week. Cuz if he doesn't get the job then he needs to let his renter know. Or maybe he will just live at the cabin?? It is all so up in the air and it is kind of frustrating.
The good news is the dog is learning to be nicer to people. He has become very protective of my neice, which is nice to see. He is very smart and is learning alot!

Ok I gotta go work on school stuff.

2004-06-26T13:48:00.000-05:00

Midwestern life is suitable for now. The weather is rather enjoyable, minus the mosquitoes. Bought Dad a mosquito-deleto system for Father's Day. It seems to help. But with as much land as we are on, we need a few more to make it really noticable. The weather, as those of you from MN know, is a main topic of conversation. So let me give you an update...It feels like it is Fall instead of Summer. We are hoping for some 80's late next week. Otherwise, it has been in the 50's-60's for the last couple of weeks. Nighttime temps in the 40's.
On another note-
I am hopeful that we get to move to Alaska. The bad news is the job opens up and/or begins in August, but Dave won't be off the ice until October at the earliest. I've got my fall classes lined up, so I couldn't go until December 23 at the earliest. I wouldn't mind having the excuse of moving to Alaska to get out of the holidays. It sure was nice to be away from that stressor for 3 years, well 2 that I didn't come home for.
Am working on school stuff mostly. And in my downtime, I am trying to put down notes for a book on Huskies. The books out there are not very helpful for the day-to-day experiences of dealing with a puppy.
That's about all I know for now.

2004-06-21T19:30:00.000-05:00

Just waiting

to hear something about Alaska. I really hope he gets the job and we get a chance to move there. That would be very cool.

I am crabby right now. Kinda hungry, but waiting for the rents to say it is time to start dinner.

Gotta write a little paper for class. Doesn't have to be done until Thursday, but want to present tomorrow.

Mom wants to move some things into the newly cemented building, it looks like there might be a storm coming in, although not sure.

Missing my honey and just wishing he was home and we could cuddle.

2004-06-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

everyone getting hammered in this household. bitching galore going on. the dog's been mean to me so he is on an extended time-out.

My honey called last night. The longest night of the year for him, the shortest for us. Soon he'll be coming home.

2004-06-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

Maybe

Alaska for winter. the potential is there that David might get a job north of the Arctic circle (Barrow, Alaska) and I would move with him. Just waiting for now to hear if it will happen or not. If it does, then I will try to do my research, etc for my thesis while there. Hoping to get involved with the Eskimo community and gaining some insight into language that way. Otherwise, transcribing my data and analyzing it. So keep your fingers crossed.

2004-06-16T13:01:00.000-05:00

having some slight problems with the home computer. It seems to be infected with one or two viruses and neither my mom or I know what to do to fix it. So I don't want to use it in case the viruses are not contained in Quarrantine. Norton isn't working properly and can't run a full system check because of it. Can't even runthe backup disks.
Going to the Prince concert tonight. So I need to get home and get prepared.

2004-06-14T13:54:00.000-05:00

Its been a week since I last wrote. Have been inundated with homework. The class I've got this first term of summer is going to be annoying at best. Tons of work to do and people to avoid...

Been reading about my friend in Korea, sounds like she is having a rough time of it. I can totally relate. On the one hand, I miss those kind of stresses, but on the other, I don't.

David called on Saturday night, there is the possibility of us moving to Alaska in January. Depends on a lot of things, but I am hopeful. It would be really good for us and it would give me uninterrupted time to work on my thesis. Also would be good to bring the dog to a climate more suitable to him. But it is all up in the air for now. D needs to get alot of questions answered before he/we commit.

2004-06-07T14:40:00.000-05:00

School starts tomorrow

Am kinda dreading getting back to the grind, but it will make the summer go quicker.
Had a great conversation with my honey on Saturday night. He is just trying to keep it together to survive this winter there. Two more weeks and then his days start getting lighter and longer and ours shorter. That is fine with me.

Why is it that MN can NOT have a normal spring, summer, fall pattern. We went from early spring weather to hot middle of summer weather within the past week. There was a tornado forming over the neighbor's house two days ago but then it was a torrential downpour as I've only seen in Japan during typhoons. The rain blew the tornado apart. That was a good thing. The weatherpeople say we are up for more storms this week. But the ground is so saturated that we don't need it.
I took the go-cart out last night and ended up getting stuck in the mud in the field. Had to have the neighbor pull me out with his 4-wheeler. He laughed at me. It doesn't have reverse so I had no choice. I knew I was in trouble when I went into the field and there was a huge puddle. Won't be repeating that move any time soon.

So right now it is 95 and 90% humidity. Sitting in the AC and trying to not go outside. But I need to get smokes and take the mail to the post office.

2004-05-27T19:14:00.000-05:00

textbooks

are soooo expensive! Went to campus today to drop off the last of my homework for the aggravating practicum class. Picked up my last paycheck of the sememster, then bought my texts for summer. That about took care of the paycheck.

The Wolves NEED to win tonight in order to keep LA at bay and on their toes. I wish Casell (sp) could play, but it is probably better for his back if he doesn't. KG needs to be a leader tonight and Sprewell just needs to keep making those 3 pointers. Put the big guy in to battle it out with Shaq. And how come it is ok for Kobe to come into the game late due to his court hearing? Is that fair? Let's hope his mind stays on his legal issues and out of the game. And lets keep fouling Shaq and send him to the free-throw line.

One more week off of school then it is 16 weeks covered in 4 x 2 sessions (classes).

Going to see Prince in a couple of weeks. Gonna go to Jody's tonight. Ran into her at the liquor store and she invited me over. She is one of the most difficult people to get a hold of.

Saw my VERY pregnant friend two days ago. She is ready to pop and says she has not enjoyed this experience at all. Doesn't want to do it again. First time to hear that.

Well, gotta go. There is a pizza waiting to be picked up and a beer with my name on it.

Only 43% more time left until my honey is home again!!!!!

2004-05-23T23:19:00.000-05:00

The series is tied!!!

The Wolves won by almost 20 points tonight. And they kept the Lakers to a low score of 71 points. That is ~AWESOME~ makes me a happy fan.

Should get to bed so I can get up with the puppy.

Have lots to do this week, bummer. And then it will be time for school...well on the 7th is when SS1 starts.

Its been horribly cold here today. High was about 45. It was raining loads. We don't need any more rain for a while, but it is suppose to rain most of this week. Need to get myself a pair of Lakeport Loafers (waders??) to take the dog on his walks.

Been getting emails from my friend K----. He's having issues with the latest gal he's dating. Don't know if I want to get too much info about those problems...

David has been keeping busy down at the pole. Taking a self-defense class on the weekends. Working 6 days a week. Didn't get to talk to him yesterday, but that's ok. The last 3 calls have had lousy reception, satellites having troubles-- stories of my life.

2004-05-22T22:40:00.000-05:00

Weddings in the Springtime

unfortunately it felt more like mid-October. Overcast skies, blustery winds coming from the North and all the smokers out on the patio at the local country club. Was a beautiful ceremony and the food was delicious. Unfortunately most of my family on that side sucks and I left just as the happy couple were dancing their first dance. My er, um, (insert correct description of the wicked witch here) grandmother wouldn't hardly acknowledge my existence or bother to turn around in her chair to say goodbye. That sums up our relationship in a nutshell. She is evil and only cares about her chosen few (of whom I am not)...ANYWAYS

Came home to Picasso stories. He barely greeted me, then wouldn't leave my side. Then turned on his terror act, forcing me to punish him by putting him in his kennel for a timeout. Then he chilled out and is now sleeping in the living room.

Gonna go socialize with the family that loves me.

Missing the BF, but glad that the summer solstice is almost here, then it will really be time to start counting down. Now, if only I can get a concrete date of when he'll be back I can put my plans of a dream weekend into action...It will cost some dough, but! it will be well worth it. I want to surprise him and spoil him and me a little bit before we have to get back to reality and figuring out where we go from here.

Don't get me wrong, am looking forward to that figuring, just want it to happen at its own pace and not my warped, hyper-speed I sometimes force upon situations...

2004-05-21T22:18:00.000-05:00

Timberwolves

The Wolves are playing right now. First game of round two on the road to the finals. Playing the Lakers and its an intense game.

GO WOLVES!!!!!!!!!

2004-05-19T22:48:00.000-05:00

Good to hear from Friends

these would be my friends and not the ones on TV. It is so hard to keep track of people as we move and diversify.

Gonna get together with Chae from High School next week. She is due in June..having a C-section so her hubby can be here. Just want to see her minx-like body looking normal and female.

missing the honey like no tomorrow. Thank god for email. He said that 4 years ago there was no email communication and during the winter only one mail drop but nothing could go out...I couldn't have survived. I know me. And it wouldn't have worked. At least we have daily communication and once the solstice is upon us, then we are that much closer to being reunited.

Watched the Bachelor finale tonight---so happy he chose Jessica...best choice for him especially after sending Tara on her way and what she had to say.

Idol isn't rigged, watched that too tonight. WAs gonna boycott if Fantasia or Diana got the boot. They at least can sing. No offense to Jasmine but she doesn't have the chops, only the looks.

Gotta check the powerball and hope for the best. The rents are in dire-straits and could use it.

Missing my baby.

Gotta go smoke. Did I mention that I started again??? Will try to quite when it is closer to David coming home and me moving outta here. Wishing for a ring..

2004-05-18T22:50:00.000-05:00

What is it??

that I want? I ask myself this almost daily. I know who I want, but he is at the pole. But what do I want out of life?

I want love.
I want to be loved.
I want happiness.
I want a home to call my own.
I want freedom within the comforts of a relationship.
I want to continue to grow as a person: both spiritually and emotionally.
I want a family.
I want land.
I want to travel.
I want my Master's.
I want to teach.
I want to learn.
I want to strive each day to be a better person.
I want to right past wrongs in both this life and ones past.
I want truth and honesty.

Do I ask for too much?

2004-05-16T19:32:00.000-05:00

another day

almost over. Spoke with my honey last night, it is always good to hear his voice even if it is a lousy connection. That is one of the things that sucks the most about him being at the Pole, the connection is always iffy. He was telling me last night that 4 years ago there wasn't any phone or internet connections available. So the technology has improved immensely! I would be crazy if I couldn't talk to him or type to him daily.

I gotta go and take care of the dog.

2004-05-14T17:34:00.000-05:00

Got the grades

to prove that I must be doing something right. Check my final grades for the semester and I was very pleased 2 A-'s and 1 B (in my difficult grammar class). I was very very happy, as I was expecting much worse.

Still haven't taken the time to figure out the Haloscan comments link thingie...not sure if I want to give myself the headache.

The dog, Picasso, is being himself...Absolutely wonderful from 6-9am and then a terror from 9-11am then he sleeps until 1 or 3 and then starts all over again.
Last night before bed, he needed to relieve himself. Well, after taking a leak it was evident from his behavior that he needed to do his other business. As I was trying to coax it out of him ("Time to go potty. Go potty. Go potty..." repeated over and over as a kind of mantra for him) he decided he was too tired and plopped down but was all ears to the sounds of the night. Well, yanking on his leash didn't work. So I physically carried him into the house. 15 minutes later he gives me his whine (which is the cue that he has to go) take him out and it is a repeat performance. This time I carry him to his kennel where he spent the night. Thus the wake-up whine at 6, when he promptly did his business.
He is absolutely gorgeous and can be a lover when he isn't biting or attacking cuz he wants to play. So it is a new adventure, day by day.

Well, as I write this he gets up his whine. Gotta go take him for a walk.

2004-05-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

Why did I have to fix something if it wasn't broken??

Anyway...I can't figure out the haloscan comments thing. Blogger seemed to have changed its layout and that has created some issues with my other comments tag. Hmm, perhaps I will deal with it tomorrow. Or maybe not.

I rearranged my room, feeling a bit better about it, but we will see how it is in a month.

2004-05-11T09:54:00.000-05:00

Wee bit of troubles..

I woke up this morning and felt PINK. So I decided to change the blog, only to discover my links and comments sections disappeared. Now I am having troubles reinstating them. Not sure about the comments provided by Blogger, as it looks like it is attached to my timestamp. So for those who read me, please bear with me, as this is a work in progress or until I get fed up. Whichever gets resolved first!

2004-05-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

On vaca...

The dog is spoiled rotten. He won't get off my bed without help. He weighs 25lbs and is half the length of me! Oh well, we love him!

Caught two mice last night in the sticky trap. They proceeded to whine and kick up a fuss and kept me up half the night. Mind you the dog slept thru it with no problems...

Have to wait until Friday for grades to be posted. Am a bit concerned, but what can I do now??

Had a great conversation with BF over the weekend. Finally got some "future" talk out of him. You know, tentative stuff like where we want to live and work, things like that. I've backed off the children topic for now. Now I want a puppy with him. Then we'll talk children. Am hoping there is a proposal when he gets home. Those that know me know this is different than anything else I've dated.

So that is the update for now..

2004-05-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

my, oh my...

I always like to put a title. It seems to contain the thoughts somehow. And when I am titleless, it just means I couldn't contain my thoughts into a simple phrase.

My poor little puppy was afraid of the noises the mice were making last night. So I lugged all 25lbs of him up on the bed and he proceeded to fall asleep. Slept next to me all night long, but he is a restless sleeper.

Am going to read a book today "The search for Omm Sety" about this lady who was reincarnated and learned how to astral project to meet up with the love of her life after three thousand years of being apart. It piqued my interest, so I bought it.

2004-05-07T10:48:00.000-05:00

Figures

Politician on the telly being necessarily remorseful.

The final I had on Tuesday night...bombed it. Have to meet with the prof some time this summer to go over the material to prove to him that I know it. Which I do. All my classmates would look to me for the definitive answer...

The dog pissed in the kitchen instead of whining to go out. He must be missing mom and dad.

Want to start smoking again out of boredom.

Am conforming to the system by completing the homework I was refusing to do for the dumb practicum class. I really got that prof's blood boiling (or so I've heard) and now I think I am on her shit list. You know how you can tell when someone doesn't really like you, but is tolerating you and they give you that fake smile?? Well, that would be said prof. And I have her in the fall for a very important class. Am wondering if there is a way to get out of it with her and see if it is offered by any one else.

Am horny...need I say more?

2004-05-05T23:39:00.000-05:00

dog pissing
all over my house... tonight he has succeeded in marking the living room which had been off limits until now..Then, I wasn't paying close enough attention to him and he peed in the entry way...seems I can't win.

2004-05-04T07:49:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah-

I failed on my vow of silence. I already emailed him this morning...*sigh*

2004-05-04T07:42:00.000-05:00

Way too early

I can tell that I have fallen back into student mode if 7.30am is too early for me. I am going back to bed...Picasso was in need of relieving himself so I had to take the pup outside...It's kinda chilly--I think they said 46 degrees right now. High today is suppose to get up to 64, with a chance of rain.
Have a final tonight at 5pm. Pedagogical Grammar. I have to study when my brain is turned on...in a couple hours. Time for a nap.

2004-05-03T22:47:00.000-05:00

Have you ever...

just wanted to fight with your lover because he is being an uncouth ass?? Mine is and I want to, but it isn't as easy as that simply because we can't fight. So I am taking a vow of silence towards him for the time being. This is the only means of arguing I have. It will probably only last until tomorrow.

Lost in Translation

I sometimes wish my life more closely resembled that again...I miss the days of understanding half of what is being said all around, yet knowing enough to be the group translator when other, more qualified, speakers/listeners were not around. Or of watching tv and guessing what the topic was based on the kanji at the bottom of the screen.

Was talking with Y. yesterday and she is going through bouts of depression due to the death of her G'ma. Well, we started talking about things Japanese and it was only after a few minutes of conversation that I realized how exclusionary (is that even a word?? Well it is now!) we were being.

Odors

One of the problems with living on a "farm" is the smell. N. will be planting the corn soon so he had to fertilize this weekend. Well, lets just say, I feel like I smell! The doors cannot be open for very long or the whole house starts to smell. But finally, the crab apple tree is blooming. The buds haven't opened up yet, but give it a week or so and they should.

With spring finally springing, mosquitoes and other flying, annoying critters are out and about... Lets hope that West Nile is kept to a minimum this year. This is suppose to be the year for cicadas to come out of hibernation to mate. Amazing that they live in hibernation for 17 years only to come out and "have fun" and then die. Talk about a bummer of a life cycle. Well, the news is saying that these little critters can make animals sick if ingested. Now, knowing my puppy, this is something we have to look forward to...Unless they don't live in MN. Now how nice would that be?

2004-05-01T20:44:00.000-05:00

What do you do...

when you live at home with your parents and your dad starts drinking at 12 inthe afternoon? We came home from looking at carpet and couches and he had a list of things for mom and I to do...As if we don't make our own plans. So mom tells him I have to study for finals and she has other things she needs to do. But he insists.

Fast forward an hour. Mom is helping him fill an order when she comes raging into the house "Is the dog with you??" "Where the fuck is he??"
He is found, outside in the field where the dead cat lay, but he was doing disgusting things to the carcass and I had to clean out his mouth cuz mom don't run.
Dad's reply: "He was with your mom"
Mom's response: "you said you were watching him; that he was with you"
Mom starts cussing up a storm. I got pissed. Dad "buried" the corpse. However, remember he is a dog that has just discovered his digging powers, and is really good at it.
So I get a shovel and a plastic bag and dispose of the dead cat. Then I get suckered into helping lift the grill up on to the deck after having helped put it on the grass earlier. Go to move the pseudo-cement bench by the fire pit and cause myself to get a pinched nerve in my neck.
Got pissed. Packed my bag and peeled out of here to go study and eat in peace. Returned after a while to the silent treatment from dad. Now he is "asleep" on the couch. And I am hibernating in my room.
Oh, and I bought a pack of cigarettes and had one...not sure how I feel about that.

2004-04-30T21:27:00.000-05:00

Its about damn time

I never thought this semester would show its ass. But alas, it has and I couldn't be happier.
Have developed a working language with Picasso (aka: the pup). Interesting how he talks back.
Haven't had much to say or write about to anyone as of late. Must be the precision focus on my studies...if only I could believe it myself.

Been bonding with a Japanese gal from school. She is in the same program as I, and her English is quite good.

No other news...for now.

2004-04-28T22:15:00.000-05:00

Phone calls from Korea

My day began with a call from E. Seems her BF is going to spend a day and night in Osaka and she wanted to know what he should see. So there I was trying to rack my brain for street names and places and trying to communicate that through a staticy connection. Even though the country would fit in the land mass of California, that doesn't mean everything is easy to get to, especially if one is staying near the airport.
Yes, the airport that is slowly sinking back into the ocean. That construction marvel that they (the government) must keep reinforcing and siphoning water from...that floating island constructed, in part, to keep people employed during a major recession.

Today was a day of breaking the temperature high--it was 91 in the Cities. Still quite warm at 10pm, but it is cooling off.
Unfortunately, with the rain comes the mosquitoes...the unofficial state "bird" of MN. Watch out or you could be donating a pint.
;-0

2004-04-24T18:27:00.000-05:00

feeling like getting drunk

...but I've got too much to do. Although I think maybe I can put it off for one more day???

I can't get the damned erotic images and fantasies outta my head... this is bad. Almost bad enough to want to drive down to Mpls and go "toy" shopping for something new.

I wish I were in my own space and place again, but that will be coming here eventually. The BF wants to do it right, in regards to moving in together. Not sure what that means, although my parents sure do have their ideas which I am trying to not let pollute my own train of thought.

Nothing exciting ever happens and that is usually the way I like it. That way I stay outta trouble.

2004-04-24T10:14:00.000-05:00

Erotic Dreams...

I woke up this morning not only because of the pooch, but also because of the disturbingly real dream I was having...
It was wet. It was hot. And it made me shiver in anticipation of what was to come...It involved a couple of different men, not at the same time though. ---As you know, dream time is not like real time---so it went from being with one man to looking up and seeing another in his place...Oh, god the feelings---ah, ugh!, not that word cuz it was not emotional---the orgasmic potential ---better, but still not spot on, anyways--- left me wanting more. The man knew what he was doing with his tool and he knew how to please me. Slowly teasing me...tracing circles with his member around my flower before releasing the honey that was building up... The explosions. The quivers. The quakes. The tears of joy at being released.. Only to have a repeat performance by someone else. It was pure heaven until reality came yipping in.........
The misery of knowing I will wait for another 6 months before I can be released from my self-imposed chastity belt. Why oh why did I fall for a man whose dream it was to move someplace that is unavailable for flights for 6-8 months out of the year? Therefore putting himself in exile and leaving me here to wait and try to "entertain" myself with Mr. Red, but that just ain't doing it.
I wonder what Freud would make of that dream and the subsequent ideas.

2004-04-24T10:09:00.000-05:00

Have dog, will travel...

The pooch is a royal pain in arse! He must come from a long line of them or something. Ma left him outside this morning so I could sleep for a bit longer, as I am the one who gets up at 5 am to take him for his morning piss... So she put his food and water bowls out there with him and she strategically placed toys all around the circle that his chain permits him to run...
Well, he was having none of it! I finally dragged my butt outta bed at quarter to ten and went to get him. Well, he seems to think he is the reincarnation of Cojo or something...The boy has fangs on him that could kill and those are just his puppy teeth.
So I sit and wonder will I get anything accomplished today with him chewing on me and everything else his little mouth can grab? Right now he is after a cardboard box...

2004-04-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

Absurd Reality Show-like atmosphere to Adopt...

next week on 20/20. This is taking it too far! That is wrong. Why would someone or some families want to be filmed on such a personal journey? Is nothing sacred anymore?

And I feel for the Tillman family...he was the pro-footballer who gave up his multimillion dollar career in the NFL to serve his country and he paid the ultimate price today or yesterday.

One more week is done--and I just have to do many papers this weekend.

I know nothing so therefore, I am boring.... at least tonight that is...

2004-04-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

Simply Amazing

My dear friend Timmie is fighting cancer now...so for those of you who pray, please put him on your prayer lists...The above statement is his saying... he always says it in good times and USUALLY bad (read: shight, rhymes with tight).

I don't really have much else to say... Except only one more week of school and I am so looking forward to living the "college" life that I didn't really live the first time around...you know, off of loans and not working or not working much. I just want to focus on my studies... unless I get hired for teaching this summer in the IEC, in which case I won't only be focusing on my studies.

I love teaching ESL@!!!! That is about the only thing I know...That and I miss the BF and wish he were here....

Later all...

2004-04-22T19:05:00.000-05:00

Power Trips of NIPs... (non-important people)

So I got my evaluation from the teacher I observed and assisted with in the field. She was none-too-kind and made me mental for about five minutes. Amazing who can get a teaching license in this state. The woman made two important spelling errors to her students. Now, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if the students were native English speakers...but when they are children learning English as a Second Language and she "corrected" the word as the child had it spelled on her paper "suplies" to "supllies" I couldn't, in good conscience, let the little girl leave thinking that was how to spell the word "supplies". Well the teacher got M-A-D at me for correcting her. And let me know it both verbally and now on this form. The funny thing was the second week I was observing her class, she spelled the word "argument" with an "e", but I didn't say anything. So it wasn't as if I hadn't heard her message the week before. So now I'm pissy and annoyed and am wondering if I really want to go through these hoops to get the k-12 license...
I wish my BF was home so I could curl up in his arms and just be...

2004-04-17T13:21:00.000-05:00

Ruminations...

So yesterday as I was teaching my "culture" class I decided to share my eureka! moments with them...in the past few weeks it has slowly dawned on me that I am suffering from a case of reverse culture shock.

I have been thinking how much easier life was in Japan--
I knew what was expected of me. I knew what my immediate future held. I had stability and with that some sort of sanity. I had grown comfortable and secure in my environment there. Now I am definitely putting a rose-colored spin on it, cuz it wasn't all peaches and cream there was plenty of crap too. But after the first year I had my place figured out. I was a gaijin. I was a teacher...aka: a performer paid to jump through hoops. I balked many times at the requests made by the managers but I usually did what was asked.

But now I am here. Dealing with America and American-isms again. I had a rough time these last two Wednesdays... I had to do my field experience for getting my k-12 license. Well, the teacher I worked with was...mmmm...how do I put this nicely? Overbearing? Domineering? Controlling? Long story short, I stepped on her toes the very first day of working with her. I corrected her spelling error to a student (individually of course). Wrong thing to do. I just did not want to let that little girl leave her ESL classroom thinking the correct spelling of "SUPPLIES" is "SUPLLIES". Then this past week the teacher's spelling error was the word "argument" she spelled it "arguEment" so now there are 5 teens who believe that is how to spell argument. After seeing that, I have become much more concerned with the state of affairs in public education.

So do I want to continue pursuing this career path? Or do I want to teach at Community College or at University?

This could be contingent upon what happens with my career as a Graduate TA in the Intensive English Center (IEC)...

I put my foot in my mouth with my Professor (supervisor in the IEC)...we have these stupid assignments which are just busy work and the class is suppose to be a practicum to help teachers teach---or so I thought. Well, the busy work consists of journal writing, self-evaluations, peer-evaluations, reading reviews of 4 chapters and attending a class/staff meeting every week. Now I understand the staff meeting and discussion of students in said meetings...what I don't understand is how reading about teaching is going to help me with my teaching skills when we don't discuss it or utilize it in any apparent manner. Well, I was feeling pissy so I wrote my true feelings in one of my journal entries which my Prof commented strongly upon. Now I am unsure if I am on her shit-list or not.

So is it culture shock in reverse? or is it just a character flaw on my part? hmmmmm...

I had a different Prof tell me this week that I "intimidate" people by making them feel inferior and that I am too "serious" alot of the time. GREAT! How am I suppose to go about changing that???

The struggle to find a happy balance of what is expected versus how I am is what I am dealing with now. I am looking forward to my month-long vacation between terms...

And I think I may be onto something which I can investigate further for my thesis...

2004-04-13T22:47:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts from 2 cans of biru

The joys of jumping through the mandatory hooops of a college education.. Received a "98%" on a paper which will go into my "professional" portfolio for job hunting (when I'm looking for that k-12 position)...Laughable!!! But a good thing to know that I am still capable of talking the talk and walking the walk...

Totally enjoying my dog. He ROCKS!!

Seriously considering a brainless job for the summer, just trying to decide where to apply. A coffee shop seems like the ideal situation, but I have to peruse my options. Don't want to do the disciplinarian job I've been at since last summer... Shitty company with even worse clients.

REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to the month of May and the holiday it entails... nothing on the agenda---YIIiIPPIIIEEEEE!!! Hey have you ever notice that an "i" looks like an upside-down exclamation point "!"

I should go to bed. Have to go and pretend I enjoy middle school at 8am tomorrow. GRRR. Glad it is my last day. Also get to take my puppy to the Vet at 3pm. Ah, the simple life.

Also realizing I am going through reverse culture shock and am hating everything about America. So am trying to figure out how to live here again... what a weird feeling this is. Now I understand why all my friends from Japan upon returning home, fell off the radar... they were dealing with too much shit.

Looking forward to my next big adventure.

Until I return...Have one on me.

2004-04-11T21:06:00.000-05:00

Long time coming...

I have been crazy-busy and there is no sign of relief in sight over the next few weeks. How I hate the end of a semester. I have so much to do and no time to do it in. Briefly...
--we got a pup. His name is Picasso. He is a Husky and he is gnawing on everything he can.
--loving teaching; hating being a student. Definitely NOT looking forward to working on my thesis.
--being stressed by my mother...what else is new?!
--trying to find a decent hairdresser...been to 4 different ones in the past 11 months. Am trying another new one in a couple weeks. am considering going back to blonde. but for now, am reddish-purple with butterscotch streaks. I miss Chikako and the salon in Seta.
--trying to work out more and get off my ass... don't want to be a cow for the BF when he comes home.
--did my first "field experience" for teaching in Middle/High schools... I know for certain I don't want to teach in High School the hormones and angst are too much to revisit on a daily basis...been there. done that. don't care to relive it. Fortunately only one more "shift" at the high school.
--want to boycott doing the homework for my practicum class. the prof has made us TAs in the IEC do a bunch of assignments in addition to teaching our regular classes. All the other TAs that are working in other areas of the English dept don't have to do assignments for their practicums...seems rather unfair; besides its a P/F class. Perhaps I should talk to the prof about the "unfairness" of it all. See if that helps...can't hurt.

2004-03-15T23:29:00.000-06:00

Am on Spring Break... but it doesn't feel like much of a break. I would like to go somewhere, but the practical, economical side of me is screaming NOOOO!!! Stay put...do your homework...relax...do your homework...

When did I become so responsible?

2004-03-11T22:07:00.000-06:00

On Politics and 9-11...

What an interesting couple of days it has been. Not that it has been good news coming out of Madrid. I feel for them and will be praying for them tonight. Sounds like the loony-man has his tentacles stretching in new directions. I just wish he'd be found and then by some twist of fate, the old Wild Wild West punishment was reinstated just for him. Have him drawn and quartered... it wouldn't be pretty, but it would be appropriate.

Last night tried to explain my "un-American" view of 9-11 to my parents. Since I've been home I have not discussed this issue very freely or openly as I know it is a very tender subject for most Americans. But I witnessed it from Japan.

I watched it on tv during the 10 o'clock news on NHK. I worried for all the people in the towers. I worried for my dear friend E. who was living in Brooklyn at the time and who I knew had been temping at different jobs around the city. So she could have easily been in either tower or near-by.
I got on the phone with the other Americans I knew. We watched in horror, gasping into our keitais..."what's going on?" at first was the question.
"Was it some sort of accident?"
Someone replied, "A plane. Looks like an accident..." And then the second one.... "OHMYGOD!!! Did you just see that? This is real?!? What is happening in our country? Our country is under attack! Call me back if you hear anything." And so we each hung up, only to dial others-- I needed reinforcements from my international community of friends.
I called in the Scot across the way. I called in the Americans I knew of in the neighborhood. I called in an Aussie. I think there may have even been a Brit in my apartment during those next confusing hours. I had a Japanese girl there- I think she was the Aussie's GF. It became a blur. A surreal blur. I needed alcohol. Went to the store and got some. Ran into some other expats who were out for a midnight run; told them to get home and turn on their televisions the U.S. was being attacked by whom- unknown. For what reason- who knew. But it was all being broadcast live around the world. The pentagon had been hit.
At 1 in the morning NHK quit broadcasting in English...the skies over the U.S. had been shut down, for the first time in aviation history. This was huge. We tried to find VoA--Voice of America on the radio, but we were too far inland. So we listened to crackling English broadcasts-perhaps from Tokyo, didn't know and didn't care. Just knew I needed to stay connected and get information somehow.
And then like a godsend, Soph&Si texted me and said to take a cab to their apartment. They had BBC on the computer and were watching the tv with the sound off. Told me I shouldn't stay home alone. Told me they wanted to be there for me, an American they were friends with. Told me Jim Beam was waiting for me. So I took the $30 cab ride to their place. And we listened all night long. I dozed off around 5 am... after finally getting through to E. She was sitting on her rooftop in Brooklyn watching the smoke rise from where the towers once stood.

In the days that followed I clung to every bit of news I could get. I used the computer at work to access CNN on-line...a BIG no-no with the company. I didn't care. That first weekend after 9/11 was a difficult weekend to go out. But I felt the need to be with the expat community. I needed to see people. I needed to feel the goodness of humanity. And so out I went, in a very depressed state of mind. But during the course of that evening I was brutally slapped out of my depression as I eavesdropped on the sentiments of the world at large. They felt we had it coming. "America, always getting involved in other people's affairs." and "She never minds her own business." I tried to protest. I tried to explain. But slowly I realized, that is how the world see us. This was a huge opportunity for me to open my eyes. Here I was living in one of the safest countries in the world, and I was trying to defend my country. Don't get me wrong, I love America. I am proud to be an American. I just wish we could take better care of our own. I tried to explain that to my fellow expatriates. I tried to explain that America is constantly at odds with the world. We are asked to act as the world police- so we do. And we piss people off. Then when we back out of that role, we piss off other people. We are literally stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I began to understand how we are simultaneously revered and reviled throughout the world. People want to be us or beat us. It doesn't look like there is any easy resolution. And so, we sit and wait for the next shoe to drop. The elections are here again and I am trying to play catch-up with the political state of affairs. On the one hand, I don't want to keep Bush in office. But on the other I don't want to vote for Kerry either. I am tired of this two party system. Why is it, that this is suppose to be a democracy, yet I don't see it in action?

So I tried to discuss some of this with the 'rents and am now realizing the huge generation gap between us. So I keep my opinions to myself. I try to be a good daughter. But I am really still trying to deal with my post-9/11 emotions. I had to deal with it as an expat for the last three years. Now I am just trying to get in touch with my feelings about the events surrounding that time as an American is that too much to ask? I wish I could understand how it felt here that day. I wish I knew what the collective psyche felt around this great country of ours. And so I read. I picked up a couple of books at the library the other day to try and learn.

I just want my opinions to be heard and respected as both an American and a member of the international community at large. But right now, I don't feel I belong in either role. How weird is that?!

2004-03-11T21:56:00.000-06:00

Perhaps...

I will be moving after all. The BF recently wrote and let me know that he is REALLY enjoying the ice and was wondering if I'd be interested in doing next winter-over? After contemplating all day, weighing the pros and cons, trying to see and predict (HA!) all the potential pitfalls I wrote back.

Told him to get me the info. I think, at least based on how he wrote, that he'd be able to get us both jobs cuz he is already there. Not sure how it all works, but am willing to try. Don't want to endure another lengthy separation. And its really good money to be earned in a rather short amount of time. The BA in English is not going to make me rich and a MA in TESL isn't a cash-cow either.

See I've been checking out land in Alaska. Can get 20 acres for around 24K. Don't think that includes a house, but that can be built. I've got my own mountain man/carpenter/handyman/do-it-yerselfer and he can teach me what I need to do to help. So the money we make could go towards that dream. Or it could go towards the other dreams. Or just paying off more of the debt.

But I worry. I've got bad PMS today. And I've also thought about all the bad what-ifs that go with moving there. So we'll see. A change sounds appealing. I am not crazy about being a FT student again. Although, I am starting to dig on the research...data collection and analysis.

So now I will have to wait until I hear from him. I did check out the website of the company he is working for. Couldn't find any job openings for the Pole. Some available for the other locations on the ice, but not where my baby is. So just gotta wait it out.